Even Worse Mascots

As Deacon so accurately put it, Russia chose terrible mascots for the Olympics.  But even worse still are the ones chosen for the 2012 Summer Olympic Games in London

Olympic Mascots: redux

In a follow up to a previous article, Russia has finally decided its Olympic mascots. Even though I really wanted the dolphin with skis, they decided to pick Chester from Cheetoh's Russian cousin, the white snow leopard with a snowboard, a bunny with questionable sexuality, and a polar bear who looks like he smokes a lot of weed. I'm not sure why they thought of any of these were good ideas, especially because they had no good ideas from the start. Whats probably the funniest part about this is the article insinuates that Putin rigged the vote for the snow leopard. How ridiculous does a country have to be that the dictator fixes the vote for a retarded mascot? The best part is also that even though they have a snowboarding leopard, America will still dominate the snowboarding like we always do, and Shaun White will be a hero, and even though he gets us gold medals, he is still kind of lame. But thats not the issue, as long as we beat Russia and their dumb ass mascots, maybe the Olympic committee will put the games back in their rightful place, America. And as asked in Mighty Ducks 2, "did America always dominate?" I think we all know the answer to that.
http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/blog/fourth_place_medal/post/Meet-the-dorky-controversial-mascots-for-the-20?urn=oly-327019

Russian Mascot

Chester Cheetah

He has a Nose?

I thought they were enemies?

Video of the Week

This video is particularly funny in my opinoin is because whenever you see something like this, you always think somebody knows this guy and will make fun of him forever. And in this case, I know the guy. I won't name names but red jacket.

Unknown Fratstars V

This edition will feature a real person, but whats ironic is that I'm not picking the real person, I'm picking his portrayal in a movie. Don Billingsley in Friday Night Lights is this article's "Unknown Fratstar". Billingsley is by far the coolest kid on the team, and every girl at Permian High School wants to fuck him. Plus he just drinks beers all the time. At one point he and Mike Winchell, the quarterback, go to an open field and drink beers and then throw the cans and shoot them with a shotgun. I would really enjoy doing that, and I'm sure anyone else who reads this site would also. Also an underrated part of his character is that at one point in the movie you are able to spo the ever elusive boobs in a PG-13 movie. If that doesn't sell Don or Friday Night Lights for you I don't know what will. In the state championship game, he literally runs through five guys for the touchdown with a broken fucking shoulder. HE PUT THE TEAM ON HIS BACK. It also doesn't hurt his case that he has amazing frat lettuce. So congratulations the actor who plays Don Billingsley, through your ability to drink beer all day as a senior in high school, show all your viewers PG-13 boobs, and pound the ball like you pound girls, you are The Alcohall's unknown fratstar. And the fact that he is a white running back didn't hurt his cause.

Go to 4:40 to watch him get his arm popped in, and then dominate

Knockout: The Drinking Game

Knockout is a great basketball related game, but it is just as good, if not better, as a drinking game. The authors of the Alcohall invented it this past summer, and though it has only been played once, it was a great time that led to hilarious antics. How you play: Set up one side of a table like you would a normal game of ruit, except use 21 cups. Determine the order you shoot in, and then play as you would a game of knockout in basketball. You miss, run and get the ball and go back and shoot, before the person behind you makes theirs. If the person behind you makes theirs, drink a cup. And once you get to one less cups then then the amount of players, people start getting knocked out. The game gets intense, and you also get pretty drunk. It's probably better to play after a few games of ruit, and also only plan on playing once in a night- it's far too much exercise otherwise. But the game is definitely fun. I'm not endorsing this as the best non-ruit drinking game, but it was a great time so I thought I'd share.

Life Lessons From Movies

I present to you three more lessons from movies that you ought to take into consideration.  If you remember, last week we covered Heavyweights, Billy Madison, and Jurassic Park.  Here are our next three lessons:

4) "If it bleeds, we can kill it."
This is a pretty simple one.  If you're ever up against a foe who seems impossible to kill or beat, just remember these wise words from Arnold.  With his whole squad of men dead and only a useless translator left up in the chopper, Arnold pulled it together and beat the Predator, an ugly, universe-trotting killing machine.  Always keep this in mind: no matter how fucked up the situation or monster you have to deal with is, you can find a way to make it through (assuming it bleeds).

 
5) "His movie is the Triple Deke, glove side"
"What if he goes stick side?"
"He's fancy, he'll go glove side"

It's a fact of life: fancy automatically means you'll go glove side.  To put this in a broader context, you can expect someone to go big or go home.   In the same sort of vein as the last piece of advice, if you find yourself up against someone who's pretty fancy, expect them to stick to their ways.  Say if you're playing Baseball (drinking game) against someone who loves flip cup.  They will go for that stolen base, no matter what.  So be like Julie "The Cat" Gaffney and save that shit.

6)

He's not actually the bad guy, just a weird looking dude.

The Web

The web is my personal favorite drinking game. One of the other authors on this blog, (I won't name names) would disagree with me after the infamous night this summer where he lost his mind during a game of the web. But other than that this is a great game. You get to throw cups drink fast and yell a lot. All things that are fun. While this game is extremely messy I feel in the end it is far more competitive than any other drinking game.

Things That Should Be Invented: The Boom-Keg

This is a new segment where we suggest things that would be awesome if invented, but we ourselves are too lazy to create. The first is the Boom-Keg. It's part boom box, part keg. Granted, you can easily have a great time with a keg and a boom box or stereo close by, but this would be the best. It should be invented. How cool would it be to see one of these? It may be pointless, in that you can easily have these two necessary party items separately, but why not just fuse the two. But they combined iPods and phones and looked how great that turned out. The Boom-Keg: someone please invent this.

Predator: The Musical

"Stop shaving, you don't have a beard."

I can't believe this exists

New Poll

For the first time on The Alcohall the next poll will be viewer decided. The idea for the poll is favorite theme party, and if any of you have any party ideas that you want to be in consideration. Then comment on this with your idea, and if you feel like you need an article to describe it then send it to yomouth7@gmail.com. Good luck with your ideas, and already the one that I am adding into consideration was brought to my attention by my colleague DonaghyEstates, is Dictators and Dicktakers.

America's Drinking Pastime: Baseball

While looking over the final results of the most recent poll, it occurred to me that we left a crucially important favorite off the list: Baseball.  Baseball is a great American drinking game.  It combines our favorite elements of Ruit and the best parts of the actual sport together to make for one hell of a game.

As far as I'm concerned, Baseball is a true competitor's game.  Lining the cups up in a row like this make them harder to hit than the usual triangle of a ruit outing.  Even better, you have to aim for specific cups (the back ones), unless you're a bitch and prefer to play small-ball. Also, you get penalized for missing: not only do you miss a turn but you get an out for the team.  As some added features, catching the ball is important and you get a game of flip cup in order to steal.  In the pursuit of a good, multi-person drinking game, I nominate Baseball as the best option.  Civil War is fun, particularly because it's lack of structure and general quickness. Baseball, on the other hand, has a lot of rules.  That may sound like a bad thing, but in games like these, rules separate the novices from the pros.  Plus, it's the laziest possible way one can attempt to play the actual sport of baseball and that's inherently fratty.

Yes, I wish the picture didn't have the stupid logo on it.  That's gay as shit.  And no, I won't explain the rules of the game.

The Merits of Civil War

In a far less heated poll, than the legendary favorite cheap bear poll, something that was so dramatic multiple articles were written about it and the bottom picture of the website was also changed to fit the winner, fratty light. This latest poll is more about a medium for people to drink all kinds of cheap beers in a faster manner. And since I think we all agree that Beirut/Beer Pong, depending on your geographic location, is the best drinking game out there, we thought we’d ask about the alternatives. Civil War is similar to Ruit in many ways, but it is faster paced and a way to have more than just four people play. Technically, Civil War can be played with as many people as you want as long as you have a big enough table and this adds to its appeal. For those of you who don’t know how to play, you set up three cups in front of you and the goal is hit the opposing teams cups before you hit your own are hit. You can throw the ball at anytime, and there is no order to throwing, but you must make sure you drink your cups if they are hit, before you can throw. Civil War can get way too intense at times, with people fighting over balls, and balls bouncing everywhere. This makes it less appealing to some people, but what it really comes down to is that there is something inherently enjoyable with throwing ping pong balls into cups that have beer in them. So if any readers out there haven’t played civil war, give it a try and let us know how you feel about it.

This guys are super lame, but its the only picture I could find.

Shows that shouldn't have been canceled

I've been watching Party Down on netflix and there was a show that shouldn't have been canceled. This show has it all, hilarious guest stars, great writing, great jokes, and boobs. It aired on Starz from May 2009 to April 2010. It was a show about a group of out-of-work actors, writers and comedians who work as caterers. Every episode is them working a different event and the events that transpire are incredibly funny. In this case I can't blame the network for canceling the show because the star, Adam Scott, left to be on Parks and Rec. a show i've never watched but one I assume is not as good as party down. Since there are only 20 episodes you can watch the whole thing in a few days and I highly encourage all of readers to do so.

Yesterday's Bitch, Today's Hero

            In a spin-off of a long forgotten segment, written by often-absent writer “The BE” I would like to take a chance to discuss someone who used to suck a lot of balls, but now is actually pretty cool. Today’s subject is none-other but former boy band member, Justin Timberlake. Timberlake was the lead singer for NSync, maybe the gayest band ever, no literally Lance Bass is actually gay. I don’t think any male currently aged 15 and onward had any respect for him. He was just a shoulder-pad wearing curly headed fuck. But now JT is hilarious, and a good musician. He frequently collaborates with Andy Samberg and makes hilarious digital shorts on SNL. He also is becoming a respected actor, and did a good job in a supporting role in The Social Network, a nominee for best picture this year. I personally am very impressed with JT’s road to redemption, and how far he has come. So congratulations JT, you used to be a bitch, but now you are a cool person.

Faggot

hilarious

Daytona 500

I'll preface this by saying I'm not the biggest fan of NASCAR. While I appreciate that it gives people a totally acceptable way to get super drunk outside all day, while having to pay minimal attention, I don't really follow the sport too closely. However, I do think it is super cool that Trevor Bayne won the Daytona 500. He's 20. That's younger than half of the Alcohall's authors. Forever this guy will be the man. He won his sports biggest race at age 20. That doesn't happen. It's nuts. Good for you, kid.

However, it also makes me think that I can win the Daytona 500. If someone younger than me can, surely I can. I know how to drive a fucking car. I'm great at turning left.

He can't even legally drink yet! No wonder he would let Coors sponsor him....

Best Pet Ever

http://sibfox.com/

this is the coolest, I want a fox as a pet

actually this is the coolest pet ever

Most High Pressure Job in America

George Cohen, the director of the Federal Mediation and Conciliation Service is the man mediating the talks between the NFLPA and the owners. If he fucks up there is no football next year. He would be responsible for a whole year without the NFL, he would probably need to find new friends.

Great Day

I had a great day yesterday and I just wanted to share it with everyone. I would like to preface this story by telling you that I know that I am going to stop writing after I explain the first part of the day because I am tired, but you can correctly assume that my night was also awesome. Tulane, where I am a student is on 40 minutes away from the Abita beer factory, Abita is a great beer if you've never tried it. So in a very fratty turn of events a group of about 20 of us decided to go to the Abita factory and take the tour. In fratty fashion the last tour starts at 2 and we arrived late but they let us in anyway. Like any normal group of men we pregamed the tour with beers on the ride up. Now things get cool, the format of the factory is one bar with 12 taps with all beers Abita makes. So you walk in, they give you a cup and you can have as much beer as you want while some woman gives a speech about Abita being ecofriendly that no listens to because honestly who cares. Notice I have not mentioned how much it cost. Thats because its free, all the beer you can drink for the 30 prior to the walking tour begins is free, which is the awesome. When we arrive all the other patrons are either families or older couples looking to find out more about a local brewery. Naturally 20 frat stars add an element they were not prepared for. So we proceed to start drinking as much beer as possible as fast as we can. I would say the average was 6 beers each in that first half hour. So then the walking tour begins. I would tell you what we learned on that part except for the face that the womans megaphone didn't work so no one could hear a word of what she was saying. Because you couldn't refill your beer on the walking tour and we couldn't hear what she was saying, naturally we begin the "back to the bar" chant. Which was not really funny to anyone but us but was surprisingly effective and we did infact return to the bar. Back at the bar, where we are in our element we continue to drink as fast as possible, making sure our trip was worth it. Usually after the walking tour they give you another 45 minutes of drinking and everyone goes home at 3:30. But when there are 20 frat stars fratting out, the Abita people decide to end the trip early. So after 5 minutes in the bar they tell everyone to leave. Most people oblige but we are still trying to get as many free beers as possible. When the woman finally physically placed herself infront of the taps one brother got very offended and walked up to the woman, looked her dead in the eyes and yelled, "you will never be sam adams" to which she replied, "can you boys please make your friend leave". When we finally leave, just to spite Abita and the other snobby tour goers we all take the beers we brought to pregame with, take our shirts off and chug them in the parking lot, throuwing the empty cans about. Then we all got into our cars and went home. It was 75 degrees with clear skys. It was a great day, I just thought you all should know. If you comment on this correcting any spelling or grammar mistakes it will prove that you are nerd.

Try Saying This...

As I'm sure everyone has experienced, coming home for a break from college can be a tricky thing.  The hardest part, of course, is having to change your usual expressions.  Generally, we swear a lot.  It can be a problem sometimes to respond to your mom's statement with "No fucking way" or "Yeah, no shit."  So instead, you catch yourself at the last second and say something completely harmless.

Here's a list of things you can try saying, just in a work setting:

Suprising Geeds II

                In this edition of Suprising  Geeds, I’d like to talk about maybe the best white basketball player currently playing, Steve Nash. Now some of you might say, Deacon I thought you loved white athletes beating the odds and succeeding against adversity? And yes in “Great White Hope” I firmly believed that. But Steve Nash is different, and do you know why? He is fucking Canadian, but that’s not the worst part about him. Steve Nash hates America. He protested the Arizona immigration laws, which I believe were mostly justified, and he praises Obama. Nothing is more geed than Barack Obama. Who the fuck does Steve Nash think he is? I don’t go to Canada and talk shit about their gay health care system, and their lack of anything good that’s not syrup or skiing. Plus Steve Nash is just an ugly, greasy man, he has long hair and acne scars all over his face. He is a disgrace to the Sun’s uniform that Charles Barkley made sacred. So Steve Nash, I fucking hate you, and if you don’t love it, then leave it. That should be the official slogan of the Alcohall.

Fucking Hoser

The best Sun ever

New Mock Draft

http://www.draftcountdown.com/sub/Mock-Draft-A.php

I said I would update with a new mock draft as soon as it came out, so here one is. Again, being a mock draft guy is the best, because you literally never have to be right to stay on the air. People are impressed if you guess like five right. I could pull that off.

The Juice is Loose

http://eye-on-football.blogs.cbssports.com/mcc/blogs/entry/22475988/27525992

This story is absolutely hilarious, this just epitomizes the fall from grace experienced by OJ Simpson. Once the golden boy of the NFL and the face of Enterprise Rent-A-Car, we all know the story of OJ and his famous white bronco car chase. OJ could be the biggest dumb ass in history, the story of how he was actually put in jail is quite possibly the dumbest fucking thing in the world. He tried to steal back all of his stuff that he sold to the guy. What a retard. So now he is in jail bragging about banging white girls, and getting his ass beat by the Aryan Brotherhood. Now the real question is would you join the Aryan Brotherhood if you went to prison for over two years? I can't answer that, but if you do you now have the oppurtunity to beat the shit out a has-been, 63 year old, disgrace of a man. I'd be proud of that.
Also if this was just made up, I don't really care cause its hilarious.

What a tragedy

Bonnaroo 2011

This year's Bonaroo has a pretty awesome line-up, and since I've never been to a music festival before I think this is the year. So I hope Cool Pants and Donaghy Estates join me there.

http://www.bonnaroo.com/artists.aspx

Some highlights of the lineup are: Arcade Fire, Pretty Lights, Buffalo Springfield, The Strokes, Chiddy Bang, as well as many more.
And Eminem will only be good if he plays Lose Yourself, or if Dr. Dre shows up

Life Lessons

I present to you the first article in what is to become a regular column: Life Lessons.  What's the cheeky and fun part you say? They're life lessons from our favorite movies.

1) Always befriend (or at least be nice to) the crazy guy, it'll help you in the end.

This one comes from the ever-inspirational Billy Madison.  In Billy's quest to redeem himself and keep the company out of evil Eric's hands, he must apologize to the kids he bullied in high school.  On his list is the crazy Steve Buscemi.  In the end, Buscemi comes and shoots Eric in the butt when he is threatening to kill Billy after failing to describe business ethics.  You never know when some weirdo is going to go crazy so it's best to have him on your side when he/she does.  It might just save your ass.

2) Never put twinkees on your pizza

Jump to 5 minutes into it and behold the glory.  This is what happens when you catch the crazy new owner of your camp in a abandoned mine shaft.  But even crazy parties can have their price.  What these Camp Hope kids learned is a very valuable lesson: never put twinkees on your pizza.  Quite simply, you'll wake up and feel terrible afterwards because naturally you'd only do this while you're hammered.  So you'll be hungover and be full of a disgusting mix of tasty treats.

3) Don't trust guys like this

 They will steal your shit

Video of the Week

I know it hasn't been a week since the last video, but this was too good to not get put up right away. Also video courtesy of Jermaine O'Habel. I wish he would write and a guest article, hint hint

Fuck you Gumby

Top Gun

Much along the lines of the Springsteen Paradox, Top Gun provides us an interesting dilemma. It is a great movie that makes America look awesome as we dominate some faggot Russians, and it features Tom Cruise, when he was cool and not crazy, as well as Val Kilmer who has always been the man, even when he played a shitty version of Batman. These guys fly jets and have awesome nicknames. I don’t know what is cooler or more American than that. But Top Gun could be the most subtly gay movie of all time. There is an extended beach volleyball, a really gay sport to begin with, scene where four shirtless, sweaty guys play against each other for like fifteen minutes. It is weird and disconcerting. Also there is the famous sex scene to “Take My Breath Away”, which could not be more awkward. It’s like the director and writer are like,”ewwww, girls, we don’t want to be having sex with them, this is so uncomfortable.” Plus there could not be more sexual tension between Ice Man and Maverick. I thought at the very end when they hug, Tom Cruise was going to start undoing Val Kilmer’s fly. So in conclusion, Top Gun, while being awesome and showing America’s military power during the waning years of the Cold War and the Reagan administration, it is also incredibly gay of a movie and at points just uncomfortable to watch.

Keep those Balls in the Air

A song made for Arrested Development

Johnny Mac

This a little shout out to my homestate, I've never been a UConn fan, but this is awesome. I also don't really care if this is fake, because good for him. He put the time into it, and I am impressed. I hope one day he will start and he will bring UConn to the promised land.

A Tale of Two Christopher Lee's

Both of what I'm about to tell you are ridiculous. Both however are equally true. There are two Christopher Lee's out there. One is awesome, one is super lame. One is a great British actor, one is a just resigned US Congressman. These two men could not be different in the amount of respect I have for them. I will begin with this nerd:

Dude, you're a dumb ass. How stupid do you have to be to try to solicit sex on Craig's List. Firstly, everyone knows you will get murdered if you do that. Secondly, you're a fucking US Congressman, a Republican no less. Act like one. The great Ronald Reagan would never have done this amateur shit. Respect family values and stop trying to find legless hookers online. Thirdly, how could you think no one would find this??? Don't post shit like this if your a politician, that's fucking rule 1. Also, if you must do something like this, make it be way cooler. You look stupid in that picture. If you want a sex scandal to come out, at least be like Tiger Woods and have had affairs with countless semi-trashy but super hot ladies.

Now, on to the much cooler of the two Christopher Lee's. We all know him as a badass from many awesome movies, most notably the Lord of the Rings Trilogy: 

What most probably don't know, is that he is also a gifted musician. In his golden years, he turned to heavy metal. Yes, heavy metal. He just released a new metal album, called Charlemagne: The Omens of Death. Apparently it is a metal opera about Charlemagne. First off, this is super cool. Sure, the music is not really what i would consider that heavy metal, but the fact that he calls it that is awesome. Second, this guy is super old and is making concept metal albums about European history. That is so fucking hilarious it becomes sweet. Finally, this Christopher Lee, at age 88, would have no problem kicking that fuckwad other Christopher Lee's ass. He would use magic and the power of music, and it would be epic. Check out the below news report about his new album. It contains scenes from the music video for the first single off of Charlemagne, and it is goofy but great. 

Unknown Fratstars: Part IV

In this Edition I'd be pleased to have the oppurtunity to profile George Oscar Bluth from the unfairly cancelled Arrested Development. Everyone knows the tale of the show and everyone knows that is also a show that should not have been cancelled just like Stella, as mentioned in a previous article. Gob is really the man, he doesn't give a shit about anything and lives on his families yacht. He lives off a dumb career as an illusionist and occasionally as CEO of his family company. The frattiest thing about Gob is probably his plan to always go after the third place contestant in a beauty contest. This way her self-esteem is low so she will definitly bang him, but since she is third place she is still hot. That is fool proof logic that I think we can all learn from. Also Gob is a racist which is inherently fratty, also he dresses very very well as seen in this video.

Snow Days

Snow days in elementary school, middle school, and high school were super fun. Or were they?  It's great to have a day off from school, but we never really did anything.  No one (or no one's parents) were willing to drive anywhere because of the roads so we all sat at home not doing anything.  I am NOT saying snow days are bad. They were fun and all, doing nothing and not having school is simply great.  However, we all remember them so fondly as the best things ever.  What really is the best kind of snow day? College snow days.

Snow days in college are so much better than the ones we used to have.  In college, we actually could use the chance to catch up on sleep.  We're no longer 10 year old idiots who wake up early on weekends because we're not tired enough to sleep in.  We live on a campus with all our friends and can just walk to see them.  We can get hammered.  The world is our snow covered oyster here in college.  The snowy roads cripple the city/town you live in but who cares?  While they struggle to drive through an inch or a foot of snow, we kick back and watch Sportscenter 2 times, get lunch, get drunk, and enjoy the day.  But remember, these great snow days come with a price.  Soon we won't have any snow days anymore...  If you get a snow day sometime this semester, enjoy it.  And if you get one and I don't, fuck you.

This is a shitty movie

Video of the Week

This video goes out to Jermaine O'Habel, thanks for showing it to me

Stupid Russian Olympic Mascots

http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/blog/fourth_place_medal/post/Evaluating-the-11-candidates-for-Russia-s-2014-O?urn=oly-318490

Has anyone else seen this story?This is the fucking dumbest thing I have ever seen. I am not sure if anyone thinks any of these are good ideas. And why have two bears? Thats so creative Sergei, you God damn asshole. Also the dolphin is quite possibly the most retarded thing in the world. A warm-blooded mammal, who lives in the ocean is now skiing. The only way that is forgivable if it was some Cherynobyl victim's idea and they have like 8 fingers on one hand. Whoever thought the US was ever in danger during the cold war should just look at these dumb ass mascots and just realize if this is the best the Russians could come up then they definitly didn't have a workable nuclear bomb.

This is the man who controls their whole country

RIP Brian Jacques

Today, a legend of my childhood died.  Brian Jacques, author of the great Redwall series, died of a heart attack at age 71.  Just look at that picture, he wasn't some lame children's writer, he was committed to the craft.  Look at how he dresses.
The Redwall series has 22 books, one of which will be released posthumously this May.  The book series was a mainstay on library shelves at elementary and middle schools across the country, dare I say the world.  In addition to Redwall, he wrote a trilogy series of the stories of The Castaways of the Flying Dutchman, which I also read and enjoyed.  Redwall was the best.  Animals of all kinds fought for good and evil, usually with a lot of mice, squirrels, and otters, sometimes even Badgers, the beasts of the Redwall series, fought against foxes, stoats, pumas, and et cetera.  Good, rightfully, always ended up on top.  But these books weren't just silly stories about talking animals.  They were awesome adventures with crazy fight scenes involving volcanoes, poison, and anything else you could imagine.  I don't know why a movie of one of these books hasn't been made yet.  For all the kids out there who loved Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and other odd book series, I say they missed out on Redwall.  It was the best book series of our youth.  Everytime I see a mouse take up a sword against evil, I'll think of you Brian Jacques.

Shut the Fuck Up

In this edition of Shut the Fuck Up I can't help but calling out car insurance commericials, two in particular. The superbowl and then the subsequent two weeks are quite possibly the best possible time for advertising. Every company is trying to one up the other and creativity reigns high. But there are two companies that I just hate: Progressive and State Farm. Progessive's advertising revolves around this ugly and annoying bitch named Flo who just talks shit to people and is way too excited about jack shit. I literally hate her, how she got famous is beyond me. Many of my friends said that they would have dirty, angry sex with her and I see where they are coming from. I have even heard one who said they would dump on her chest. That is probably how she got the job, some ad exec took a dump on her chest. The other one that i probably hate more is the state farm guy. What fucking ethnicty are you? Are you native american, mexican, asian? I don't fucking get it, you only got famous because you put other on your fucking application. Plus in one commercial you just interrupt a woman the entire time, show some fucking respect. Maybe in China where you bind women's feet this would be cool, but in America you can fucking grow up. In conclusion, Flo and dumbass guy from State farm please Shut the Fuck Up.

This picture gives me nightmares

Following the Dog: Part 2

A month ago, we here at The Alcohall revealed the wonders of following a dog on Twitter.  They lick, they bark, they wag their tails, and they get cold paws and thankfully, they tweet all about it.  But in a shocking turn of events, I've now been put in a very curious situation.  There's a dog following me.

http://twitter.com/#!/MoeLancaster

Granted, Moe here is no HoneytheDog.  He's simply not as funny and actually tweets a lot which misses out on some of Honey's magic.  This beagle tweets about licking and eating like Honey does but also spices it up a bit by tweeting his favorite videos and talking with other doggy pals.  He's no stranger to the Twitter world and seems to know how to use it better than I do... But all in all, Moe has really made me think.  I've always been proud of my idea to find and follow a dog on Twitter.  And now, there's one following me.  Most importantly, Twitter is super dumb.  What a hilarious twist to this ongoing story.

What to Watch: Archer

Archer, now beginning its second season, is yet another hilarious show featured on FX.  Like It's Always Sunny and The League,  Archer is a solid piece of FX's Thursday lineup.  With shows like these, FX has developed a lineup that rivals or beats others like NBC's and its terrible additions including Outsourced and Perfect Couples...

If you haven't seen it, and I suggest you change that, Archer is an animated show about the spy world.  Featuring a great cast of voices, the show caters to all the principles that The Alcohall appreciates.  It's very funny, which is a good start.  It has ridiculous action sequences,witty quips, and pop-culture references. And it's got infinite rewatchibility and quotability and is thankfully on Netflix.  It doesn't really matter if you haven't seen the first season yet, just go watch it.  And when you undoubtedly like it, watch the first season too.  

Somehow we have a Top Gun theme going on lately

China Sucks

I recently came across an article that said that the Chinese government has been putting footage from the movie top gun to show its military power and to act as propaganda. This is the most ridiculous thing ever, of course Americans are going to call them out on this shit, every American has seen Top Gun. The best part is the planes are blatantly American, does the Chinese government think we are as dumb as their stupid citizens. (and on that note my chinese roommate last year skipped class yesterday and has no idea it was the day of a test, what a fucking moron).. This is literally a story that is unbelievable, Fuck China.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/107479-China-Uses-Top-Gun-Footage-to-Fake-Military-Strength

Another article is coming later about Top Gun

Best Club Ever

From a high school yearbook:

Nerf Guns

Nerf Guns have always been cool.  From the first time we got our first Nerf gun we were enthralled by its ability to shoot a dart about 20 feet and stick to a wall or hit someone in the eye.  Forgoing the eternal nuisance that is post-Nerf war, shooting Nerf guns are incredibly fun.  We used to think that this following example was pretty much the tits.

But this past Christmas Break, while at a visit to Walmart, I realized how far little old Nerf guns had come.  

What the fuck? Where was this monster when I was a kid?  Nerf guns like this one are the norm these days.  They have sniper rifles and Gatling guns, they have flashlights and scopes.  They have guns that can shoot like 300 darts a minute.  They even have some which look like a weird flashlight briefcase but actually fold into a gun for a sneak attack (but only huge nerds have that gun).  Essentially, Nerf Guns these days are approximately 1000 times better than the ones we had.  If I could time travel and I brought this Gatling gun back to say 1996, I would be the king of the street.