World Cup of Hockey

The World Cup of Hockey Is Back

Due to the overwhelming response we received for our coverage of curling at the Sochi Olympics, we have decided to once again cover a sporting event, and this time it’s The World Cup of Hockey (WCH).

The WCH is going to be the premier sporting spectacle of 2016, because unless the Rio Olympics are as exciting as Fast 6, we aren’t going to be impressed.

There are so many nuances to the WCH and they are each going to get their own coverage, because we have 18 months to cover it all. This coverage is for the real WCH aficionados, because ESPN (who is broadcasting the WCH) will cover all of this in the 2 weeks leading up to the tournament. Our coverage is going to put you 3-steps ahead of every bozo at a late summer happy hour who thinks they know shit because they heard Barry Melrose’s late night rant about the potential of the North American young guns team. We’re going to get down and dirty, because nothing this exciting has happened in sport since Shang Tsung went for his tenth championship.

This is going to be awesome.

Not Since '96: U-S-A

This is why we're here

RIP SkyMall: A Eulogy for Sasquatch

SkyMall was truly a companion to us all, the car bingo of the skies. Every flight you would invariably find yourself picking up the magazine and flipping through it. You'd laugh as you'd turn the page to the 18" Sasquatch sculpture or the creepy zombie coming up from the ground. Surely no one would buy the strobe light that eliminates the need to put up Christmas lights, right? Sadly, that was probably true, and that is precisely why we are here mourning. SkyMall products weren't what we needed, but they were what we deserved. Today we mourn the loss of a magazine who never asked for anything but a glimpse, and all we gave it in return was a rock to hide under like it offered for our poolside stereo equipment.

The Gambler

The Gambler, starring Mark Wahlberg, is a servicable film with a lot of potential for coolness and some existential wonder. He plays a hack of an English teacher who admittedly cannot write very well nor can he teach well. It's a bit hard to suspend your disbelief that he could actually be an English professor at a major university, but you'll have to. 

Wahlberg's character is always in debt because he doesn't believe in half measures and, like the movie motto says, the only way out is all in. He never settles for anything less than everything. This character trait will make you want to punch him in the face multiple times (it also makes several other characters punch him in the face), but it serves to set up the drama. The best parts of the movie are the students he teaches, and the way they are surprisingly well integrated into the story without being contrived. The movie also has a great soundtrack and is pretty artsy (not in a bad way). All in all, the movie could have been better or more fun sure, but I liked it. 

Pros: Good monologues, good music, good premise, Brie Larson

Cons: Missed potential, bad guy looks like Tran from New Girl

Two Time Superbowl Champ

So much swagger, he's a swagger hound

Flashback

The goals from center ice are ridiculous

Seinfelds still got it

This is from Jimmy Fallon's show and I think he's still got it. The French King thing is on point

Hilarious Wes Welker Videobomb

One Giant Loss

Snow Days: Redux

It's that time of year again, the time when snow is threatening and everyday life grinds down to a halt. In the south, snow days are things of myth, much like good tasting vodka and slugs with friends. But then they do happen, or they are supposed to happen according to the weather, they bring about ambivalence.

It's nice of course to have an extra day off. It's great that today, Tuesday, feels like a Sunday. However, it's tragic that it isn't a Sunday, there isn't a football game to watch. There is only crappy daytime TV, like Judge Mathis. I'm not hating on Mathis, but I'm looking for some actual entertainment. And much like you may have read in my original tirade against snow days, you only get one day off. You can't party hardy all night because you have real life the next day. And you can hardly hang out with anyone because no one is willing to drive when the rest of the population turns into Asian women actively searching for a car to hit. Snow days, while great in theory, really aren't all they used to be and are totally overstated by Nickelodeon. They're like a marathon of Sports Science if you think about it.

Arrests made in 1978 Lufthansa Heist

In one of the more ridiculous stories I have heard recently, five mobsters were arrested with ties to the famed Lufthansa Heist of 1978. What makes this ridiculous, is that every male in America from the ages of 18-50 know who are responsible for the Lufthansa Heist it was fucking Jimmy the Gent (De niro) and Henry Hill (Ray Liotta), it is literally the main plot piece in Goodfellas, which is a movie I have approximately 100 times.  Literally they have an explicit scene in the movie going over the plan.

You can watch it right here, what the fuck happened here? Did the cops just get around to watching Goodfellas? Was there not enough evidence? Goodfellas is a classic that shit is definitely admissible in court, also just give me one holiday weekend, and I'll be your expert weekend. This is just off the top of my head here, but Stax gets shot in the head by Joe Pesci, the fat guy gets killed in his pink cadillac, and the other guy with the weird eye brows gets killed and put in a meat truck, also someone is put into a dumpster and the garbage men find him. Boom, I have evidence on the scenes of the crime for all these guys, what the fuck took so long. Whatever, Jimmy the Gent died like twenty years ago a long with Ray Liotta's career. These guys are old as dirt and I hope the cops enjoyed themselves.

This is one of my favorite scenes in movie history, throw this up there with the chariot scene in gladiator and the roof scene in Shawshank, and you might have the three best ever

NFL draft game

With the NFL season winding down with only the meaningless pro bowl and a potential very good Super Bowl, it's never too early to start thinking about the NFL draft. I am a huge fan of the draft and I follow mock drafts throughout the year. I think its awesome, and we used to have special draft get togethers involving cake and pizza, which no one can disagree with. I think its incredible that Mel Kiper has made a whole career around the NFL draft, even though he isn't even that good of an analyst -see Erasmus James. I am not sure why I Erasmus James is my go to example for Mel Kiper sucking but it is. In one of my first drafts, Kiper was touting James, and he blew as an NFL player, so whatever my point has been made. Anyway, I found this mock nfl draft creator online and its an incredible time waster.
So for any of you bored people out there, check out NFL Draft or http://fanspeak.com/ontheclock/start_draft.php, if you are wasting time at work or just bored at home. This is a fun thing to to do, and I hope you enjoy.

Who the hell is Mel Kiper?

I'd watch this movie