Shut the Fuck Up: College Kids who Boast Extensive Beer Tastes

All of you people, please shut the fuck up.  I don't want to be out to dinner and overhear jabroni capital of the world at another table talking about how much he loves Abita Purple Haze over your Blue Moon.  Or how much he loves Pale Ales, the paler the better right? Fuck you, you have no idea what you're talking about.  I only drink Dog Fish Head's 120-minute IPAs... oh really? I'm going to punch you right in the kisser, pow.

Honestly, you're like 20 years old.  Odds are you've had half the variety of beers that comes in a thirty.  Though probably not Keystone Heavy, the ultra rare red can I could probably trade for a shiny Pokemon card.  But none the less, you boast about how much you like Yazoo and how it's better than Bud Heavy and quite honestly, you prefer a Fat Tire or Sierra Nevada over just about any old bar variety.  Bull-fucking-shit.  You're sitting there gulping down that beer from Happy Hour and thinking, "do I really like this?  It's alright I suppose and if I keep drinking it, everyone will think I'm sophisticated."  Well, I'm calling you out.  You people are like the hipsters of the beer market.  I don't want to hear about your different, exquisite tastes.  I don't want to hear you contemplating your beer decision from a menu full of foreign options.  Oh, you like Super Dry beers? You don't even know what that means, no one fucking does.