We're reaching into the archives and resurrecting an old column just in time for Christmas. In this special holiday edition, I'll give you some very important life lessons you may have missed in some atypical Christmas movies.
1. The uggos and hobos of New York City can help you better appreciate your family and friends
In
Home Alone 2, amidst the sadistic beatings of two burglars in an empty house under renovation, Kevin befriends a pigeon lady in the park and runs from a mutant cab driver. The pigeon lady becomes Kevin's only friend in the sea of people trying to capture him while his family is blissfully unaware of his absence. She even gives Kevin a special dove gift to remember her by. When Kevin is finally reunited with his family, his friendship with the pigeon lady has led to him to appreciate his family despite all their flaws.
2. If you have a machine gun, don't give it to the cop who is single handedly ruining your scheme.
In
Die Hard, arguably the best Christmas movie, John McClane is able to fend off some terrorists even while unarmed. He takes one of their machine guns and festively informs Hans Gruber of his new deadly acquisition. He then goes on to wreck some terrorist shit and save his terrible ex-wife.
3. From the movie
Screwed, don't kidnap any dogs or you'll end up with too much Danny Devito
Merry Christmas Alcohall readers, don't get Iced this Holiday season
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