The Governator

Stan Lee and Arnold Schwarzenegger are teaming up for a comic book that is really called "The Governator." It is apparently about Arnold being a real superhero after he leaves the governors office. This is really great. The worst thing Arnold ever did was become governor, even though it was hilarious that he actually won. It was bad though because he no longer made awesome movies. Even in the worst movie ever made, Batman and Robin, he stole the show. We've already shown you all of his ice puns: hilarious. I'm glad Arnold isn't governor anymore so he can do shit like this, and hopefully it will lead to a new superhero movie that he stars in. Or he could pull a Stallone and make sequels to all his movies even though he's super old now- I'd still watch. Unless it was Kindergarten Cop 2.

Baseball: Another Prediction

I feel different than Deacon about baseball starting, as I am very excited. While he's right that it really doesn't matter yet, it is still great that this sport is back, and I can't wait to go to any baseball game, as tailgating, then drinking lots more in the stadium while eating a lot is a great time. So here's to the great American Summer pastime, and here are my predictions:
NL East: Braves
NL Central: Brewers
NL West: Giants
NL WC: Phillies
AL East: Red Sox
AL Central: White Sox
AL West: Athletics
AL WC: Yankees

This video is stupid but hilarious, and Ron Artest is crazy

Suprising Geeds

This edition of Suprising Geeds I'd like to talk about anyone who plays Beruit or Beer Pong professionally. Yes, some of you may be thinking that is a dream job, being able to drink and get paid for it. Yes, its awesome that they own a bar in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia but owning a bar and being a professional beer pong player are alot different. This guys are the biggest group of majds in the world. They are allowed to lean like crazy and they take the fun out of the game. Drinking games are made in order to facilate college kids drinking in a faster manner than just drinking beer out of cans. But these nerds play with water, because they are scared to get sick. Fuck you, if you are scared of getting sick. I don't care if the water cup is somehow covered in dust and hair, thats how you fucking play. If you don't want the ball on the ground, make the fucking cup or just catch it like an athlete and not like a nerd. Plus more often than not they have really gay names like "Cup Crusher" guaranteed that guy has no friends. So don't go professional at beer pong, get a real job like a not majd. And make enough money where you and your friends can afford to play beer pong whenever you want and it won't matter.

here is an article on professional beer pong: http://www.idsnews.com/news/story.aspx?id=80725

look at that lean and all those geeds

Baseball Opening Day

To be honest I don't really care about baseball starting, the first few months don't really matter. Yankees fans will be upset because Tex will hit like 150, and I'm really not that worried about.
My predictions are:
AL East: Yankees
AL Central: Twins
AL West: Angels
Wildcard: Red Sox
NL East: Phillies
NL Central: Cardinals
NL West: Giants
Wildcard: Atlanta Braves

But if that doesn't get you excited for baseball season, nothing will

New 2 round mock draft

even though there is a lock out, the NFL draft is still coming. And I will still watch it and make fun of Mel Kiper.
http://www.draftcountdown.com/sub/Mock-Draft-A.php

Cargo Shorts

Everyone hates cargo shorts, this I know.  But it's really been on my mind today, cargo shorts (and pants, I'm looking at you too) are literally the worst things of all time.  Today, while going about my usual routine, I realized that two people who bother me both were wearing cargo shorts today.  No wonder they are so annoying, they are the cargo shorts type.  Cargo short people themselves are pretty diverse - the ones today were Indian and Jewish, as some insight.  However, they are united by their passion for pockets and their astounding ability to be annoying.

Why would one even need cargo shorts? I guarantee you do not need those extra pockets for anything ever.  If you do use them, you're probably storing candy for a later date or a new specimen for your bug/chewed gum collection, pick your poison.  The only exception for cargo shorts wearers are kids who are under 10.  Wearing cargo shorts with a shirt that has a poison dart frog or a dinosaur on it, that is an entirely different story.  But walking around a college campus with 1090 extra pockets at your disposable makes me hate you.  As a fun fact, when you search "Nantucket Red Cargo Shorts," you don't get any real cargo shorts on the first page (except for one terribly ugly pair) which is a testament to 1) cargo pants being terrible and 2) Nantucket red is a great shorts color.

Cargo nets are the best though, how else could you make an elementary school obstacle course?

Darty?

In the past month or so the term "Darty" has risen to prominence and let me be the first to say that I do not condone its use. Darty is a way to shorten day party and make it a clever name I guess. Now I am a huge fan of day parties, really there isn't much better than drinking outside, but darty is just stupid. Also I do like shortening names, like calling beruit, ruit instead.  What do you call a party at night, a narty? No, no one would ever fucking say that. But I think whats more important is that spring is here and day parties are the best, but darties are the worst.

The Dark Knight Rises

http://blog.movies.yahoo.com/blog/956-what-do-we-need-to-know-about-alberto-falcone-joseph-gordon-levitts-character-in-the-dark-knight-rises?nc

This article reveals that Joseph Gordon-Levitt, of Inception and Ten Things I Hate About You fame, will be the villain in the new batman movie I am a big fan of all things Christopher Nolan and his current batman franchise and I hope this one lives up to the haunting performance of Heath Ledger. Also Tom Hardy ,who playes Eames in Inception who was in my opinion the best character, will play Bane and I bet that is awesome and unlike the Bane from the recent shitty batman movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger and George Clooney.

even though Mr. Freeze did give us these gems

This weekend

I'm surprised there hasn't already been a post on this but this weekend all of us writers got together at our little hideaway and had a great weekend. Nothing too rowdy happened because it would have been inappropriate. What we did do was plan the after-after-after party at an upcoming wedding (the only after party that matters) went on a brewery tour, ate chick-fil-le (if you don't like chick-fil-le this blog will write an article about how pathetic you are), had brunch, played cornhole (I won't embarass my fellow writers by saying who won), shot guns, found the horse, saw baby cows be born, found a great den, were together for the brightest moon in years, and generally were awesome. Sorry you couldn't be there reader's, unless you were there then we were glad to have you.

RIP Nate Dogg

I've only ever written one other eulogy, and that was of Rich Cronin from LFO. So Nate Dogg you will be missed, I really don't know anything about you nor do I care to, but I will miss you because this song is awesome. And I'm sure everyone who played high school sports within the last six years had this song on some kind of pump up mix

Being a UConn sports fan

With the sudden rise of UConn football, and Kemba Walker leading the Huskies to the championship (it's going to happen) I would like to discuss my new passion for all things UConn sports. I am from Connecticut, but I literally know nothing about the school. I know its in Storres, but I don't know where that is, I don't know what the school looks like, and atleast off the top of my head I can't name a person who is an undergrad there who I would consider a friend of mine, acquaintance maybe, but not friend. I did not consider applying there and have no desire to ever visit Storres. But now I am a fan, some would say I bleed blue. So Kemba Walker keep snapping necks and cashing checks, and in football we will have Johnny Mac ,subject of a prior blog post, lead us to the promised land, and maybe another BCS berth where we get blown out by a way better team, which I am ok with.



Johnny Mac Post

Houston, We Have a Problem

As Deacon mentioned, The BE and I headed down to Mardi Gras to visit our old pal DonaghyEstates.  You will soon learn that things did not quite go as planned.  We didn't see DonaghyEstates all that much, but when we did, it was the best.  Otherwise, we spent the week eating delicious food and going to parades.

The Mardi Parades are like an all day tailgate with no actual sporting event to go to.  When we had perfected our routine, the BE and I simply sat in fold out chairs next to the tables and tent eating and drinking all day.  We had the good fortune of staying with a friend who lives in New Orleans.  This was the best decision I've ever made.  We had beds and so much good all week.  Great, great food.  We had jambalaya and gumbo almost every day.  The parades featured these two staples as well as boxes of Popeyes and chili dogs.  We also had cases of beer in coolers just waiting for us.  The best part - all of this was free and we took advantage of it to the fullest extent.

The parades themselves were pretty cool.  There are obviously lots of floats that go by with different themes.  One of them was the Thoth parade, which was themed after Thoth Goes to College.  I think that is hilarious.  Every float featured Thoth, a goofy Egyptian God, going to different classes and drinking.  And then there is the beads, which are thrown out non-stop.  After a while, we realized getting beads was overrated and we eventually threw them away (mostly).  The best part of the parades were meeting the random people around us. These two old women next to us became our best friends and together we made fun of the kids we came with.  One of them was from Houston and since we made it our mission to get him hammered, they kept yelling, "Houston, we have a problem!"  Classic.  They also gave me homemade beef jerky, which was delicious.

At one point we went over to the Tulane section of the parade watching at (General) Lee's Circle.  It was obviously pretty rowdy there, but nothing too much.  Tulane seems like a fine school, but it's fucking impossible to find and there are some majds there, which is true of any establishment.  Overall, Mardi Gras was hilarious.  New Orleans is a ridiculous city where anything goes and when we were walking down those parade streets, it looked like the end of the world.  We peed outside once, despite the many warnings, and the port-a-potty we had access to literally saved the weekend.

Unofficial 2011

                This weekend I took the rare trip away from my own campus, and had the opportunity to visit the University of Illinois. I have only ever partied at two other campuses, before Friday and I was excited to see how this compared to my school as they are very similar. I visited on their largest drinking day which is known as Unofficial St. Patrick’s Day or simply Unofficial. I don’t really know or care of the origins but basically what it is, is everyone wakes up at 6 am and listens to alot of the song from Boondock Saints, and drinks for eighteen straight hours. There are a lot of Irish themed drinks and somewhat clever shirts that people design and etc. So pretty much 50,000 students and guests are just hammered for a whole day and it is accepted and encouraged. The interesting thing is I personally don’t know one person who goes to this school, so I was just along for the ride. Being an obnoxious person in general, I signed a beer pong table at an apartment with my name and my high school lacrosse number, so I hope they appreciate that. It really wasn’t that eventful of a day, like there weren’t any cool events or any places for a lot of people to meet up. It was just an excuse to start drinking at an inappropriate time and drink inappropriate amounts. I am not sure if I will ever go back considering I got lost at 3 am in the rain with my friend from St. Louis ,who also knew nobody there. So that was an interesting experience, but I do recommend visiting your friends and getting really drunk cause that’s fun. And I am sure the three other authors of this blog, who are all together at Mardi Gras in New Orleans, are going to write articles and tell stories that blow this one out of the water. Although that wouldn’t be hard to do, because UnOfficial is not that cool.

Video of the Week

I personally have already seen this video, and I believe it to be fairly popular already, but one-time guest author Racecar requsted this to be the video of the week, and we at TheAlcohall are loyal to our readers and authors, so here it is courtesy of Racecar.

Devil Magic

http://us.akinator.com/#

Go ahead, try and stump the Genie.  This game is fucking devil magic

So far it's gotten:
Bilbo Baggins
Harriet Tubman
Rex (from Toy Story)
"Bones" from the Fox show
Johnny Drama
T-1000

Facebook Decorum Part 3

I haven't done one of these in a while, mainly because I ran out of ideas and I might have forgotten about this segment, but another thing on facebook that really pisses me off is when people check in at locations. This pretty much falls in the category of who the fuck cares? Ohhh so and so are dinner!!!11!1, really that doesn't change anyone life about anything. Its really someone just trying to name drop, because if you actually check-in at places, you are probably a huge loser and you either A. want someone else to be a loser by association with you or B. You are with someone cool, and maybe by checking in with someone cool, you by the transitive property will also be cool. But spoiler alert, you aren't cool, everyone reaches the coolest they'll ever be by their senior year of high school, and if in college you aren't cool but act like it, you'll get figured out eventually. So basically don't check in place because it just alerts everyone one facebook that you are a big nerd and no I will not be your nerd by association.


You look about as cool as this Seahawks fan who's updating Facebook at the bar

How I Roll

A watch on my right arm

Greg McElroy: defying stereotypes

http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/blog/dr_saturday/post/Greg-McElroy-almost-aced-the-Wonderlic-Is-he-to?urn=ncaaf-327510

Greg McElroy got a 48 on the wonderlic test, for those of you who don't know what that is, it is a 50 question test given to players at the NFL combine to test their intelligence. Its a combination of logic and common sense, and if you ever take a practice one, its not too hard. In comparison though, Vince Young got a 6. For me McElroy is as suprising as Myron Rolle, personally whenever I think of Alabama or Florida State football, I don't think of geniuses, who are Rhode Scholars. Florida State had a big scandal about it, and Antonio Cromartie, a former FSU player, literally cannot read and has 7 kids with 5 mothers. So congratulations McElroy, you made me rethink my ignorant assumptions about the south and Southern football. But unfortunately for you, you are not nearly as cool as your predessor at Bama,  JP Dubs

Maybe the frattiest NFL player