I'm a steak and potatoes guy

Ricky Fowler

I don't even know which to title this: You like him, Suprising Geeds, or Shut the Fuck Up because they are all true. For those of you who don't know who Ricky Fowler is, he is just a total majd and jabroni. He could be cool because he is a young American golfer who is really good, and could be hopes for Americans in a time where the world is dominating the rankings. But this guy just fucking sucks, he thinks he is too fucking cool and he stood up to Augusta National about them making him turn his hat around. If you talk shit about Augusta than you are jabroni of the century, it is the single most fratty and American institution in the world. But back to Ricky Fowler, this guy is sponsored by Puma and wears single color outfits with his hat backwards. But not only is his hat backwards, but it is also a flat bill. Its just sad because he has so much potential to be a hero to Americans and Alcohall readers, but instead he becomes loathed and I am forced to write this article.
http://sports.yahoo.com/golf/blog/devil_ball_golf/post/Rickie-Fowler-gets-a-lesson-in-Augusta-National-?urn=golf-wp563
article about Augusta National

If this picture doesn't make you dislike him, you are probably in the wrong place

Dog, you are not a shirt

Shut the Fuck Up: College Kids who Boast Extensive Beer Tastes

All of you people, please shut the fuck up.  I don't want to be out to dinner and overhear jabroni capital of the world at another table talking about how much he loves Abita Purple Haze over your Blue Moon.  Or how much he loves Pale Ales, the paler the better right? Fuck you, you have no idea what you're talking about.  I only drink Dog Fish Head's 120-minute IPAs... oh really? I'm going to punch you right in the kisser, pow.

Honestly, you're like 20 years old.  Odds are you've had half the variety of beers that comes in a thirty.  Though probably not Keystone Heavy, the ultra rare red can I could probably trade for a shiny Pokemon card.  But none the less, you boast about how much you like Yazoo and how it's better than Bud Heavy and quite honestly, you prefer a Fat Tire or Sierra Nevada over just about any old bar variety.  Bull-fucking-shit.  You're sitting there gulping down that beer from Happy Hour and thinking, "do I really like this?  It's alright I suppose and if I keep drinking it, everyone will think I'm sophisticated."  Well, I'm calling you out.  You people are like the hipsters of the beer market.  I don't want to hear about your different, exquisite tastes.  I don't want to hear you contemplating your beer decision from a menu full of foreign options.  Oh, you like Super Dry beers? You don't even know what that means, no one fucking does.

You Like Him: Randy Pearson

Bet you didn't know his last name.  Randy Pearson was a newly introduced character in the last season of That 70's Show, brought in as comic relief to replace Topher Grace and Ashton Kutcher.  However, Randy was not funny.  Bottom line, he was a huge jabroni and frankly, you like him.

Let's start this new weekly segment with the ever important definition of a jabroni.  A jabroni is someone very lame, someone who tries too hard to seem how he is.  Of course, how he is is obnoxious and probably a frequent wearer of cargo shorts.  A Jabroni is the opposite of a bro.  And no, I don't mean bro in the sense of every other fucking website on the internet.  It's so tired and overused these days, I hesitated to even include it.  You know what I mean out there, you Alchohall readers.  We all know what I'm talking about and quite simply, a jabroni is everything that it's not.  A jabroni is widely hated and disliked- he is a majd by all standards.  Johnny Suckow comes to mind.

Back to Randy.  This poor excuse for a lovable 70's character really made watching the last season of the show difficult.  He was never funny. Never.  While Donna was never the hottest girl on the show, he did hook up with her which is far too big of a feat for someone so forgettable.  He would jump into the screen and make really shitty jokes.  There was a laugh track of course so at least a bunch of computer generated noise laughed at him, but I never did.  On top of that, he had his slicked back blond hair and his dumb 70's shirt with the top few buttons undone.  I don't care if it's a few decades ago, you look like an idiot.  Thankfully, he doesn't end up with Donna in the finale and he simply fades into non-existence where he should say.  You like Randy Pearson, you enjoy him.

Golf Pros and Tigers Hoes

To start off our new poll, I'd like to do a profile on this theme party idea. Now this isn't what it seems as guys dress and golf pros and girls dress slutty, even though this is encouraged. What this consists of is making a 9 or 18 hole course at your party and matching up with a foursome to complete the course. Everyone hole will be a different drinking challenge and the lower your score the better. So lets say the first hole is an America themed room, if you take two shots of whiskey, you get a birdie, one shot a par, and chugging a pbr gets you a bogie, or something along these lines. Or an easier one would be a game of ruit, winners get par, losers get bogies. Scorecards stolen prom golf courses are necessary, and please get creative with your room themes.

Video of Week

I listened to this song right after watching space jam, and then playing the knockout drinking game. So needless to say it was a great time, and I recommend everyone try it out atleast once

Unknown Fratstars VI

In this edition of "Unknown Fratstars" I'd like to profile quite possibly the frattiest man alive, Guy Fieri. For those of you who don't know who that is, he is the guy in the Chilis commercials who makes shitty food for that restaurant. He also has a show on the food network that probably no one watches. But really what makes Guy Fieri so cool is his look. Some people have a look and can pull it off to perfection, and he is one of them. Whether it be the bleached blonde, spiked hair, or the sweat bands, he can do it and he can do it fratty.  The other thing about guy fieri that makes him truly fratty is his facial hair. Its perfectly groomed and every waitress at Chilis bangs him when he stops in to try Cajun Sea scallops with the never ending Tortilla chips. Plus you really can't discount the shirts he wears, no they aren't vineyard vines or polo, they are probably Walmart brand, and who ever said that wasn't fratty? I certainly didn't, and yes Donaghy Estates I have seen your zombie. So tonight when you you all start drinking, toast it to Guy Fieri, George Lopez, and Madtv, all things are very fratty and cool. Happy April Fools Day

This guy is such a majd

Shows that shouldn't have been canceled: MADtv

SNL has been really great lately (Bill Hader's Stefon- hilarious), but even in this golden age of SNL, it still does not hold a candle to the late great MADtv. What was so great about Mad TV was its ripe parodies. What didn't it take on: the Michael Jackson trial, Anna Nicole Smith, American Idol, and even that buffoon of a president George W. Bush (he was the worst). But the best part about it the show was it's original characters. That little kid played by a grown man- priceless. All the women that Asian guy played- I laughed so hard milk came out of my nose!!!;)! You know all those characters were great, and extremely popular, because of the sheer amount of movies that they have been made into. Sure, SNL has had Wayne's World, and most recently MacGruber, but MADtv has The King's Speech, The Social Network, No Country for Old Men, and Norbit- all of which were nominated for Academy Awards. Also, MADtv was edgy- just look at how they spell their title! It's a shame Fox had to cancel this show, and it really shouldn't have been canceled. And even Comedy Central pulled the reruns of this great show. What has the world come to!? Do yourself a favor and pick up a complete season of this show, you will not be disappointed. To whet your appetite, here is just one of their hilarious skits based on original material. 

Lopez Tonight

There are a lot of nightly talk shows out there, but I am here to tell you that Lopez Tonight is the only one worth watching.  It's seriously funny, after all it's on TBS.  Conan is alright and all, but he is just the appetizer to the main Hispanic-flavored course.



Where to begin?  George Lopez is simply the best.  He is hilarious in every aspect of the word.  I hope you all saw Balls of Fury, he was in that gem of a movie.  How about Swing Vote? The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl?  At the very least, I'm sure you saw him featured in Beverly Hills Chihuahua.  If I was looking for one Mexican-American actor to put in my movie, it would surely be George Lopez.  If only he was inserted in the Zorro movies, that would have been seriously great.  I'd watch everyday as if I were 6 years old again.  Thankfully, we don't just have to look forward to new George Lopez comedies at the box office.  Because he has a nightly show, we can all get our daily dose of George.  My only grievance with George is that he didn't like the show Cavemen; in fact, he should've been on it!

Let's finish with this hilarious George Lopez clip featuring my other favorite, Arsenio Hall!