Warning: Watch out for Slugs

It gives me no joy to write this. There is an epidemic currently spreading at my school, and I must warn others. Slugs are on the rise. Warning signs: they are big mooches. They use their slugness to grab a hold of everything you like and enjoy and turn it slimy and unenjoyable. Whether it is beer, or food, or even having a great time, slugs move in and take what is not theirs. The kicker is, slugs never bring anything to the table. They never offer up anything, just mooch onto your times. And they are not fun. There are people who we all use for connections to great times, but unlike slugs, we, loyal Alcohall readers, bring the raucous. Slugs bring nothing except a slimy trail of weird jokes and comments no one enjoys. Then, like the parasite they are, reflect poorly on you when they've latched on. The other big tip-off about slugs are their abject laziness. They don't have friends so they don't do anything, and then when they can't take it anymore they latch on to you. Watch out for slugs. They sneak up on you like a disease and, like that new movie Contagion, infect you. If you're not careful, and let them progress, they will turn you and everything you love into slugs. I pray this epidemic doesn't spread. But, like a zombie apocalypse scenario, this blog is a radio and I must transmit to any other survivors and to people unaffected to sound the alarm.

This is how it starts!