Obama Hates White People

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It's been like this since Irene

Culinary Review

Last night I had the distinct privilege of having the best late night treat I have ever encountered. Like any good American, I found myself at Wendy's after a night. And on the menu was a side option of a baked potato. Let me tell you, it was the best. Sure, my baconator was great, but this baked potato, at that stage in the game, could not have been better. They give you sour cream in this crazy tube. And also butter. Mixing it all together with the baked potato: I give it four stars. Next time you find yourself at Wendy's, treat yourself and get the baked potato. You will not regret it. It was a pleasure and an honor, and was the perfect way to close out an evening.

Thank God they acidified the sour cream

RIP Pavol Demitra

Yesterday former NHL star Pavol Demitra was killed in a tragic plane crash in Russia along with the rest of his Russian league team. I have very fond memories of playing with Pavol Dmitra, Keith Tkachuk, Al Macannis and the rest of a great St. Louis Blues team in NHL 98-2002. Those were great games populated by great teams. The powerplay of Demitra and the 100 mph slapshot of Macannis was just overpowering. Today we lost a great hockey player from my childhood, and someone I will remember when Coolpants and I would play hour long games of NHL on road trips with scores upwards of totals of 80 goals.

RIP

NHL 1998 intro: they don't make games like this anymore

10 Years Ago

10 years ago to the day, Nickelodeon played the Spongebob episode "Band Geeks" for the first time.  This episode, which brought us the delightful quote, "Is mayonaise an instrument," and Spongebob's rendition of "Sweet Victory," is appropriately remembered in the hearts of all people our age. It was truly a shining moment.   Many shows have gone significantly downhill since then, maybe even Spongebob, I cannot say personally. I will always compare the quality of a cartoon to the pinnacle of excellence that "Band Geeks" represents.

The Gargoyle

This weekend I was pleased to learn about a drinking technique known as the gargoyle. The gargoyle is only applicable when it comes to kegs, and it is essentially a less obnoxious, and more hilarious version of a keg stand. You simply crouch on top of the keg and drink out of the house while holding your other arm out in an attempt to look like a gargoyle crouching on top of a building. Doing a line of gargoyles with your friends always is hilarious, and you literally could not look funnier while doing it. Essentially a gargoyle is just another fun way for you and your friends to get drunk, and I hope Donaghy Estates enjoys doing one with me in our tuxedos at the wedding.

College Humor sucks but I needed the picture, and this Jabroni doesn't even have his keg on ice

This was just a good show

Umbrellas

When it comes to most umbrellas, the bottom line is that they make everyone look stupid.  You walk around with a T-Rex arm holding it up and end up looking like a marine in those old commercials with their sword up by their face, except you just have a shitty umbrella.  And even worse, most umbrellas you see on a college campus are the tiniest things ever.  They cover about 3/4 of your body so that when you look at your left arm, you find that its covered with water.  It's impossible to stop if you're not a baby.  Don't even get me started on the hassle of walking by people with their umbrellas- they're always at poke-you-in-the-eye-height.

I hate when that happens

In Other News

Yesterday, California beat Japan in the Little League World Series. While it's great that America won it all, no one really cares about it. If you watched more than just "Little Kids, Big Drama," the obnoxiously named daily segment on Sportscenter, then I think you should strongly consider rethinking your life. Go America, I'm okay when I say I didn't watch a second of your victory.

I'd rather watch the Sandlot

Also, in other news, Hurricane Irene hit this weekend and for most of us, all we were hit with was a hurricane of Facebook status updates. This beckons a new Facebook etiquette post.

Finally, yesterday, ex-Giant, ex-Saints, wait, he's on the Panthers now? TE Jeremy Shockey saved a choking teammate this week by punching him in the back. Some rookie tried and failed to do the Heimlich so Shockey had to jump in.

One Last Attempt to Make Preseaon Football Relevant

Tonight there is a HUGE football game on. The two teams involved in the greatest rivalry in sports are meeting on the gridiron tonight to fight for glory. It is all on the line. Oh, and now I'm being told it is a bowl game....

This is all stupid. The latest attempt to make people care about preseason football is tonight when the Jets and Giants play in their newly named "MetLife" Stadium in another meaningless game. Don't buy the hype. It is still a meaningless game against two teams that are in no way real rivals. It is all stupid. The fact that they are starting to call this annual preseason game the MetLife Bowl, and will be playing for a trophy that probably looks like this is silly:

Preseason football doesn't matter. It is what it is, and if it were treated as such I would not have any problem with it. But the fact that ESPN and the NFL keep trying to make people think these games matter is just stupid. Almost as stupid as chugging tequila just because the song "You and Tequila" comes on. All in all bad ideas. Just like convincing us, and even feeding hype to the players that will no doubt get injured trying to play too hard in a meaningless game for an even more meaningless trophy, is a bad idea. I can wait two weeks for real football. I can wait a few months for when these two teams actually meet up in a meaningful December game. So please, spare me this hype.

Getting after it: Port Republic

This weekend I had the honor and the privelege of having my first ever Port Republic Premium American Brew. What makes Port Republic so great was that it was only $11.89 at Kroger and I believe it is sold exclusively there. The beer itself tastes like PBR, but really who fucking cares about that. I was able to drink beers that were slightly over 30 cents each and had amazing cover-art. Port Republic urges its drinkers to "Sail Close to the Wind", which literally makes no sense, but I enjoyed reading it on my beers. They are trying to be classy and its working, not like Miller "Jabroni" Highlife, which Donaghy Estates loves along with all other Miller Products. So if you find yourself at Kroger, why not buy the cheapest beer there and enjoy getting drunk on some fake classyness and a shitty product, because really that is what is important and life.

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Regular posting will resume next Monday, August 29th