Better know an Olympian

With the Olympics coming up, we were interested in finding out some more about some of the Americans going to the games. So we will be doing some brief bios on some Olympians who you should be keeping an eye out for come February.

Curling:

Before we get started, I think its important to note that the US Men's Olympic Curling team qualified for Sochi a month ago with a big win at a competition in Germany, apparently it was a winner goes to the Olympics final where our boys beat the Czech Republic, proving they have the grit to win in big games. So thankfully we have a team at the games, whose honorary captain is Vernon Davis which is just awesome. 

The team is a real hodge-podge of characters, a brief bio was found at olympictalk.nbc.com

"John Shuster, the 31-year-old is the manager of Pickwick Restaurant & Pub in Duluth, Minn. He’ll be joined in Sochi by his vice skip, two-time Olympian Jeff Isaacson, a science teacher from Gilbert, Minn. The team also includes first-time Olympians John Landsteiner, a 23-year-old engineer from Duluth, and Jared Zezel, a 22-year-old Bemidji State student."

They've got wily veterans, young guns bringing that first Olympics enthusiasm, all of their name's begin with J they've got the makings of legends. For our bio we'll take age before beauty and have a look at the youngest team member, Jared Zezel:

J-Z at first glance seems like a pretty standard guy, his twitter @JaredZezel04 has a similar look to that of Colin Kaepernicks (when he was still a backup), some pictures of kittens, some pictures with his girlfriend (sorry ladies), and some tweets about his geographical location. He seems to have the self confidence of a much older curler, which should serve him well in Sochi.

Strengths: Granite jaw, has more followers on Twitter and people he's following (a true sign of celebrity), and he follows John Daly on Twitter.

Weaknesses: We all know that the Russians have a history of using beautiful women to seduce powerful foreigners, and that coupled with the revelations at the London games for the amount of sex that happens in the Olympic village, I think J-Z is a likely target for sexual espionage. Being a young gun on the big stage for the first time (with high expectations), he'll be an easy target for a honeypot trap. Is he strong enough to tell his girlfriend he just had a five-way with four Russian supermodel spies in the morning, and still land the clinching stone to take gold from the Soviets in the gold medal game? I'm sure we'll find out.

Overall: He's the spark-plug that this team needs to go all the way, he hasn't been beaten down by the curling buracracy for as long as the captains, so if they start to lose faith, J-Z along with John Landsteiner (Jamie Lanister) will remind them why they fell in love with the game in the first place. 

Winter Olympics Is Coming

I think the Olympics are just about the greatest thing in the world. I love cheering for Americans I don't know, doing things of a difficulty I definitely don't appreciate, for the glory of the our country. I have no doubt that the Alcohall will provide our readers with extensive coverage of the Sochi Games (February 7-23 on the NBC family of networks). But I'd like to start off our coverage with this

Courtesy of growltiger on tumblr

and then, perhaps even more exciting, this...



http://www.cbssports.com/nhl/eye-on-hockey/24400375/photo-labatts-unveils-beer-cans-with-usa-olympic-jerseys-on-them

Get excited

The Alcohall Sells Out

For those astute readers who have noticed the new ads all over the blog, let me begin by saying that we're not sorry. The Alcohall is a fan of capitalism and we've officially sold out. We're proud to say we're now simultaneously supporters of both Christians mingling and Mormons (two of our largest advertisers).

The real reason we've decided to throw our lot in with online universities and weird health insurance companies (to name a few more) is a good reason though, something every reader can no doubt agree with: to party. Look, the sole reason we've put ads on this blog is to make money for all the authors to have a party. The more we make, the better the party we can have. Consider this our year end appeal much like NPR and PBS obnoxiously do. Only instead of claiming to save the planet and shit we're being honest: we want to party and buy alcohol. That is the foundation of this blog. So please, help us out and every time you visit the blog click on one of the ads. It will help us have a party. Every click literally buys us like half a beer--so do your part. The person who clicks the most ads will even be invited to the year end party (which is in July). Who knows, you might even find a cool piece of furniture from Bassett (who knew they were a thing?).

So please, help the Alcohall sell out and have a party. Hopefully you like reading this blog and you can help us out by just clicking on some weird ad every time you visit. Selling out: it's the American way.

Awesome Musician

Deacon earlier asked us all to try and think of a muscial artist that we would like to hang out with. He seemed skeptical that there were any. And while it is true that most of the people I love to listen to would probably not be great to hang out with, there is one glaring exception and his name is Alan Jackson. I know this choice will immediatly bring out all of you closed minded country haters, but hear me out. Country music is essentially just guys playing a catchy tune while someone sings about life. Its awesome, if your feeling sad and you listen to country you feel better. And if you want to party, there's no type of music that talks about frattier ways of partying than country. Watch this video and try to tell me you wouldn't spend all day with Alan Jackson.